True but thats because hes a fetus.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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