i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
