Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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