You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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