i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
