i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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