I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
