Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
