Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
