Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How does one acquire holy water?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
