I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
