Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
