i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
