I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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