morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, beer. Big fan.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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