he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
