If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
