I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize