His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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