I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize