DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
