can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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