Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
