you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
