Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize