come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
