i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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