I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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