Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
