what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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