now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
