I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
