ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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