Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
