all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
