Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
