hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
