Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
