So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
