Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I touched a dick in church today
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
