This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
