Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize