Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
