i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
