I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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