I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm like, not good at living.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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