Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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