Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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