Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
