Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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