Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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