so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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