when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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