So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
