sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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