That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
