So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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