wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just tell him i said nine months
She announced her abortion via fbk
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize