i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize