He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
