i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
