In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I love you. Go after that dick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
