Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
