I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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