I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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