There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
