you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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