I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She tied me up with her honor cords...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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