i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we're making bets on your personal life
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my liver is dry heaving
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
